A woman wrote me to ask:
“My marriage isn’t what it used to be; it’s not that anything particular has changed, but we just don’t seem as happy as we once were. We have sex less often, we talk less and I’m worried that we’re growing apart. How can I fix this before it’s too late?”
This is a great question and you are not alone!
It is not at all unusual for couples to experience less connection and passion as the relationship ages. In the beginning of a relationship there is a lot of novelty which stimulates chemicals and hormones that keep things spicy and exciting. Over time, you get to know one another better and get set in some routines of interacting which, although comforting, may start to feel a bit boring. You are busier, have less to talk about and the sexual excitement you once had wanes.
How smart you are to want to do something about it! You’ve already made an important first step just by recognizing the symptoms and wanting to make improvements.
- The key is to have a talk with your partner and to make a decision to prioritize your relationship. — Make time for one another.
- Do you have a regular night set aside without your phones and children just to be together? It’s a good idea to put it in your calendar and honor it as the most important thing you do all week. Another great idea is to make a sex date. That’s right. Plan for sex.
- Put it in your calendar. Set the scene with candles, soft music and uninterrupted time.
- Change out of your sweats and make yourselves attractive to one another.
- When you make a sex date you’ll have days to anticipate being with one another and to let the excitement and anticipation build.