Romance in Paris is Just The Beginning

Romance in Paris. Tell the truth. Did your heart skip a little beat when you read those words?

Did you breathe a little sigh…?  It’s hard to know what thrills us more than the thought of sweet, loving romance in a beautiful place.

Last Fall, I had the occasion to be in the City of Lights for a reunion with some other Relationship Therapists. One particularly blustery day, some of us were at the Eiffel Tower for lunch. It was cold, windy and raining a little. Wearing a coat, scarf, tights and boots, I was jumping up and down trying to stay warm. I looked across the plaza and saw this young couple wearing their wedding clothes, posing for pictures. What?! Why aren’t they freezing, I asked. The answer came back from my colleague, “ because they’re in love.”

What is it that makes being in love so powerful that we’ll even stand in the freezing wind to capture the moment?

Neuroscientists would say that when we are first falling in love we are literally “on drugs.” There are chemicals in our brains that get stimulated, and it’s quite the cocktail!

• High levels of cortisol make us feel stressed when apart, more alert and reduce our sensitivity to pain. (That Eiffel Tower couple probably didn’t even feel the cold!)
• High levels of dopamine increase pleasure and motivation and reduce levels of sadness.
• The presence of the hormone oxytocin increases feelings of trust and attachment and lowers feelings of fear.
• Increased vasopressin heightens sexual arousal and attraction and lowers anxiety.

These same scientists tell us that these feelings last about 18 months, catapulting us through the early states of the relationship, which we call the Romantic Stage.

Once we’re fully committed to one another, these hormones and chemicals wear off and the true work of the relationship begins. It’s at this time that the zing in our relationship must be earned by good communication and relationship practices, building safety, connection and adventure.

What Relationship Stage Are You and Your Partner Currently Experiencing?

Take this relationship quiz to find out.

If you find that your relationship chemicals are starting to wear off, it might be a good time to invest in learning how to consciously keep them alive. I am offering two fun and dynamic workshops for couples this Spring. I hope to see you at one of them.

In the meantime, click here to enjoy watching the entertaining history of Autumn and Matt as they run through the stages of their relationship in 5 minutes!