Do You Want to Heal it? Feel It!

We live in a culture where emotion gets regulated by rules and expectations. Little boys are not encouraged to feel sad or cry. Little girls are told that anger is not “lady-like”.  As humans, we all have feelings, but we learn to keep them in.

When we push our feelings down and refuse to feel them it takes a toll on our mental and physical health. It’s like swallowing poison and expecting not to feel sick. We can only expect to heal what we allow ourselves to feel and express.

Sometimes we all experience anger and resentment. Under those feelings we often find hurt, disappointment, sadness and fear lurking.

Expressing these underlying emotions allows others to feel empathy for us. They may even feel regret for how they’ve contributed to our pain. This leads to their caring for us. It can lead to the desire to reconnect and to find solutions.

As a Marriage Therapist, I teach a structured dialogue for you to use in order to understand and express your emotions to one other. Often this dialogue is with your mate. It can also be with your parent or adult child, sibling, or friend.

Without this level of expression and communication, relationships fail. When one person bottles up his feelings and refuses to express them, the other frequently feels left out and alone. She can wonder what she’s done wrong or why she’s “in trouble”. She  may feel rejected, emotionally abandoned or anxious.

When this occurs, the relationship becomes troubled and feels unsafe. Safety is the bedrock of connection and connection is the path to joy and happiness in your relationships.

It takes a lot of self-love to fully express ourselves. Sometimes the experiences of our childhoods have damaged that love. In that case, we must let go of the pain of the past. We must question the rules we learned as children.

We must step into the full expression of our emotions.

On April 30 and May 1, you have the opportunity to join me for a two day workshop, Over the Bridge, where you and your partner will learn a safe and effective way to feel and express your feelings to one another. Click here for more information and to sign up today.