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Reflections From Our Ojai Couples Retreat: What Couples Took Home

Written by Mary Kay Cocharo, LMFT  ·  California License #MFC 25394  ·  Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 30 years of experience helping couples reconnect, in her Los Angeles practice and at her Ojai couples retreat.

Our most recent Ojai couples retreat has come to a close, and I am still carrying it with me. A small circle of couples joined me for the Intimate Couples Weekend Retreat on a private estate in the Ojai Valley. Three days of guided work, three nights beneath the Topa Topa Mountains, and a lot of honest, tender, sometimes difficult conversation.

Although I have led couples work for more than three decades, I still come home from these weekends moved. Not because anything magical happens, but because something very ordinary does: two people finally slow down long enough to really hear each other.

First, I want to share a little of what that looked like, what the couples took home with them, and why I keep coming back to this format. And at the end, I’ll tell you about our next retreat in May.

Why I Take Couples Away From Home

In my office, couples come to me for an hour at a time, in weekly couples therapy. Afterward, they drive home, the dishwasher needs emptying, a child needs a ride, a work email arrives, and the conversation we started gets folded back into the busyness of life.

A retreat, however, removes all of that. When the phones go quiet and someone else is cooking dinner, couples have room to stay with a feeling long enough to understand it. The patterns that usually stay hidden under the noise of daily life come to the surface, and that is exactly where we can work with them.

In addition, Ojai makes that easier. The estate sits on five private acres in Upper Ojai, with a citrus orchard, a vineyard, and wide views of the mountains. Moreover, the whole property was ours for the weekend. As a result, couples could walk the grounds between sessions, swim, sit by the fire, and simply be together without anywhere else to be.

Inside the Ojai Couples Retreat Weekend

Every Ojai couples retreat balances real relationship work with genuine rest. You do the work, and you also get to enjoy each other again. Throughout the weekend, couples experienced:

• Guided dialogue and hands-on exercises with me, built on the Imago and Encounter-Centered approaches I use in my practice.
• One-on-one coaching time for every couple, so each partnership got personal attention.
• Guided Couples Yoga on the estate’s shaded yoga platform, a chance to breathe and move side by side.
• Gourmet meals prepared on site by Jenn and Jacob, a married couple who also happen to be wonderful chefs.
• Free time by the pool, in the jacuzzi, and around the fire pit as the sun went down over the valley.

Similarly, couples went home with a workbook and cards, so the tools would not stay in Ojai. That matters to me. After all, a beautiful weekend is lovely, but what I really care about is the Tuesday night three weeks later, when an old argument starts and you remember a different way through it.

Finally, you can see a little of what the weekend feels like in this short video:

Crossing the Bridge: The Practice Couples Took Home

One of the central practices we work with is what we call crossing the bridge. It comes from Imago Relationship Therapy, and the idea is simple to say and surprisingly hard to do.

To begin with, each partner lives in their own world, shaped by their history, their fears, and their hopes. However, in conflict, we tend to stay on our own side and shout across the gap. Instead, crossing the bridge means deliberately leaving your own world for a while, visiting your partner’s, and listening until you can say, and mean, “That makes sense. I can see why you feel that way.”

Importantly, you do not have to agree to cross the bridge. You only have to be curious. In fact, when couples experience being truly heard, often for the first time in years, the whole emotional temperature of the relationship changes.

Above all, what touched me were the notes I received afterward. For instance, couples told me they were already “crossing the bridge” at home and making time for regular gratitude sharing. In other words, that is the work continuing on its own, which is exactly what I hope for.

In Their Own Words

Here is some of what couples from this retreat shared with me afterward.

What Happens in a Small Circle

I limit each Ojai couples retreat to six couples, and that is deliberate. This way, a small group gives every couple room to do deep work and receive personal attention. It also creates something I could never offer in a private session: the quiet relief of discovering that other couples struggle in the same ways you do.

For example, many couples arrive believing their problems are unusual, or that something must be uniquely wrong with them. Later, they sit around the fire with couples at very different stages of life and love, and they hear their own story in someone else’s words. Gradually, shame loosens and hope comes back. As one participant put it, the weekend brought them “closer to the parallel truth of how much we share similar experiences.”

Ultimately, that sense of being held by a group, in a safe and carefully guided setting, is one of the most healing parts of the weekend.

Join Our Next Ojai Couples Retreat: May 20–23, 2027

If you have been reading this and thinking, we need this, I would love to welcome you to our next retreat. And if a weekend away is not the right fit right now, you can always schedule a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what would help most. Specifically, it is for couples who feel flat or disconnected, couples caught in the same arguments again and again, couples healing after a breach of trust, and solid couples who simply want to go deeper.

Frequently Asked Questions

When is the next Ojai couples retreat?

The next Intimate Couples Weekend Retreat takes place May 20–23, 2027, on a private estate in Upper Ojai, California. Registration closes April 15, 2027.

How many couples attend the Ojai couples retreat?

Each Ojai couples retreat is limited to six couples. Consequently, the small size allows for deep work, personal attention, and a safe, supportive atmosphere.

Do we need to be in crisis to attend?

No. In fact, couples come for many reasons: some feel disconnected, some keep having the same arguments, some are healing after a breach of trust, and some have a strong relationship and want to go deeper. Either way, the weekend meets you wherever you are.

What is included in the Ojai couples retreat?

Three full days of guided coaching with Mary Kay, one-on-one coaching time for each couple, three nights in private accommodations on a five-acre estate, gourmet meals prepared by private chefs with beverages included, Guided Couples Yoga, and free time to enjoy the pool, jacuzzi, and fire pit.

How much does the Ojai couples retreat cost?

The retreat is $10,000 per couple, all-inclusive. Payment plans are available upon request. We confirm your place as soon as we receive your deposit.

Where exactly is the estate?

The estate is in Upper Ojai, in the Ojai Valley. We share the exact address with registered couples one week before the retreat.

This article is written by a licensed clinician for educational purposes only. It does not constitute clinical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and does not establish a therapeutic relationship.

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